i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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