i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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