He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
