My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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