if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She needs sedatives and a leash
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
