just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
