Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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