mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
