you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
