is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
