i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize