The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
