I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
