I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize