We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
