My room smells like vodka and shame
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize