Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
