Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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