My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
