Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
