i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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