dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
