im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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