he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
