please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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