Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize