Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
