I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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