i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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