my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
