I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
