Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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