What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
