My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize