i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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