Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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