guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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