What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
