Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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