I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
