I'm jealous of your bromance
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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