Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
