Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I will pee on everything he values.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
