I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize