I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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