her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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