I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
