He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
