I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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