My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
