I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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