She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
