I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
