Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
