We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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