at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
