I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize