I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
