Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
