I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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