Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
