Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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