so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
