I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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