a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
