he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
